Journey to healthy, clear skin

I think its an accurate statement when i say we are all constantly striving and working to be the best version of ourselves. I'm so down with that. So in effort to work on me, I've been doing things that help build my self esteem/confidence. Taking time out for me.

Lately, my skin has taken a turn for the worse. I have been experiencing a sudden case of acne that has my face super scared up and very,very oily. I wear makeup sparingly and I don't put much oil in my hair so I'm super confused as to what's happening and I, for one, just can't get jiggy with that! After months and months and months of buying and trying different products in an effort to help clear up my acne I decided to take a trip to the dermatologist.

I'm currently in my third week of using 2 medical topical facial products; Epiduo Forte and Finacea. Finacea is a foam I use in the morning's and Epiduo is a cream I use nightly in conjuction with washing with Cetaphil DermaControl Oil Control Foam Wash.
Below are my current results. Stay tuned!!

D.I.Y "Blinged" Shoe's

Being the thrifty bee that I am, I had to figure out how to design these "blinged" or "bedazzled" shoe's i've been seeing all over social media. So upon further research I gathered the materials I needed and went for it and bada boom bada bang I did it and did it well. Below are the results of the shoes I "blinged" out for my daughter. I used flatback resins I ordered from Amazon.com in; 7 mm colored pack of 200 ($4.00) and 2-8 mm mixed crystal stones ( flatback ) in a pack of 400($2.50) and 1 tube of E600 transparent glue I purchased for about $4.00 from Walmart. That's it! I used a fine tip paintbrush dipping it in clear nail polish to pick up the stone's and applied them in the glue which i placed to the clean, dry surface of my shoe. Let glue set for up to 72 hours and you're good to go.  Tell me what you think.

Xoxo,

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day

*1 day Post*
Upon me stumbling through some of my fav gossip/blog sites I seen that today is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness day. I instantly stopped what I was doing to write this post. (Actually at work smh) but I was compelled to do so due to my personal loss and daily struggle.

Coincidentally, I was attempting to share my current state with my spouse Tuesday night and at one point I just felt like he shut me down. I feel as though he doesn't truly understand my "struggle" for lack of a better suited word.

I don't really share this but I don't really hide it either...one year ago, I lost a child. Hailei-Rayne Jones. I carried her and I loved her. The depth of that love is beyond measure.

 I had a medically induced birth ( also known as a medical abortion). At 19 weeks I found out at the anatomy scan that my daughter had was is known as Fetal Hydrops. It is a condition in which the heart has an abnormality and because of that the body retains fluid/water causing irreversible damage ( something like congestive heart failure) which results in a slow death.

My daughter had fluid in her abdomen and head. My amniotic fluid decreased slowly due her body absorbing it. I had never heard of such a rare condition. The seemingly perfect, normal day turned into horror for me. I was speechless. I cried so hard and so long that my body just shivered. How? Why? How can I fix it? How does it get better? Why, why, why? Is this karma? Who did I do wrong? Why God??

I went through 2 long weeks of hopeful moments, research, test after test and then reality just fell on me like a ton of bricks  when the doctor finally told me my daughter was going to die. Die. I tried to wear a brave face but I was anything but. I had to be strong for my oldest daughter. I had to go to work and carry on with my day to day life when all I wanted to do was cry. Not eating, no sleeping, no anything.

 I had the option of carrying my baby until she passed on her own or having a medically induced labor. I opted for the latter just because I felt that was best or me and her. A part of me feels I was selfish. A part of me feels it would have destroyed me to wake up one day and not feel her move. So I had to muster up the strength to say goodbye on my own terms.

I say all this to say, I've been to this dark, dark place. I empathize sincerely. These words come from the most purest place in my heart. One day of recognition is merely not enough when you constantly relive the pain. But it is appreciated sooooooo much. There's so many precious lives that never make it and so many parents who live with guilt and frustration behind their smiles. Each day progressively gets better. Each day your able to smile a little more and each day brings a little more peace.

Take a moment of observance for these angels.

Xoxo,

When to - yourself

One thing that I know I struggle with daily, is when to apply my filter and check myself. I'm not a easily angered person so it takes a bit much for me to get upset. But when I do, I battle with myself about what my response should have been or how I should or shouldn't react.
I think when I really get pissed, I hit 10 so quickly that it takes forever for me to get back to 0. I recently attended a baby shower and I came across this young lady that really had my blood boiling. I mean, she was just nasty. No reason for it all. I didn't know her and she doesn't know me. I seriously let her offend me a couple of times, each time trying to find a logical reason behind her actions, before I had reached my breaking point.

Now, I didn't show out at the baby shower out of respect for the guest of honor but I was pissed which made me think about how I let this stranger straight up alter my mood, which brought me to writing this post. I shouldn't have given this young lady the power to upset me because of her ignorance nor should I still be feeling any type of way about it. I think it simply just shocked me that someone I don't even know could be so rude.
I'm just a logical, thiniing person by nature. So, I try to rationalize everything before I come to my conclusion. What I need to work on is learning when to step back or walk away from the situation instead of suffering through it to prove to myself I can make it. I need to learn I don't have anything to prove. I need to learn to hone my power and never relenquish it. Not everything is going to make sense. Sometimes life won't add up. And when that happens i need to subtract myself from that mess.

My weight loss journey

Truth is, I'm getting big. I know it. I feel it. I see it. I have never been one to watch the scale primarily because most of my life I've been slim. I picked up weight after I had my first daughter. I went from 150 to 180 pounds and I kept every bit of it. After my second pregnancy I not only lost a child but I lost the weight I had gain from over the years. Visibly and internally it was a rough pregnancy. I was on a chicken and fish only diet. No red meat and no sugar. I lost weight, I'm not sure if it was water weight but I lost it.
Afterwards I kept the weight off for a while and now I'm where I am today at a whopping 222 pounds. YIKES!!! Granted I'm a curvy girl; hips,thighs and nice rear end and I'm six feet tall. But yo, I'm at the point where I can't see over my belt buckle some days. My clothes don't fit me how I'd like. The pestering stomach roll and love handles are in te way.My waist band in my jeans are eating away at my sides. I have to tug and pull at my shirt all day. I've got to get rid of this weight.

So I'm on a journey now to do better and be better and feel better. My plan is to loose about 40 pounds and I plan on doing it the old fashioned way, diet and excercise. A while ago about a year, I ordered a waist trainer to use after I had my second child. I wanted to use it in conjuction with breastfeeding to shed post baby weight. Well I tried that thing out anyway and let me say, blessed are those that subscribe to them because I am not here for it. No gimmicks and no games.

I don't who follows me or if anyone even reads this blog of mine but I want you all to come along with me. Everyone needs support and encouragement and I know I can be that for you guys in whatever facet you may need and vice versa. Let me know if you have any tips for me or even just a kind word to help me through because I loooooove to eat. There's really a overly obese child that doesn't care what you say or think of her inside me.

Often times I eat when I'm bored or I over eat when I skip meals to compensate for the meal I skipped. I'm a hot mess but I'm on the road to togetherness. Below are pics I took in April and March of this year. Stay tuned for updates.

Xoxo,

Motivation Monday- We're in this together

I know at our lowest point we can't seem to find an inkling of hope. We all have that moment when we're like "Fuck this shit!" And you know what, we're entitled to that feeling. Every thing isn't always black and white and smelling of roses but you know something, we aren't going through the storm alone.

I work in customer service and in that field I encounter so many people and so many spirits. I also work with and around children in which I get to experience how these people influence other impressionable souls and the outcome of that. This is what I've learned from these experinces; that one lady you see everyday who snarls at you and never says hi might be the lady who doesn't have any food to eat. Or the attitude that one guy gives you everytime you see him might have so much on his plate after his wife died, he lost his job and his son is misbehaving daily in school. Or the little boy who curses you out all the time might be getting ridiculed because he's  struggling with his work due to the fact that he's the man of the house while his mom works a third shift job and he takes care of his 4 younger siblings.

Our rainfall may be different; mine is scattered, yours is pouring and the next person's is drizzling but we're all in the storm of life together. We're all trying to figure it out. I'm a firm believer of the saying that if God brings you to it he'll bring you through it. Our problem is really that we are so self absorbed we can't move past the fact that we are here to help each other. If you can focus long enough on helping the next guy with his issue you may learn something from his struggle to help you with yours.

Someone is walking this earth feeling just like you. Someone can relate and you may need them as badly as they may need you. We are so blessed to have the freedom to express oursleves, why not reassure one another that life is better when youre walking together.

Xoxo

Aliexpress Grace Hair Company

*Disclosure, all products were purchased by myself with my own money and all opinions are that solely of my experience and the products I received*

Hey gum drops!!! I know I've been gone for a while but I recently started back to work (middle/high school secretary) and I've been uber swamped. F.Y.I, I'm working on getting a laptop very soon (happy face) because I'm currently running this blog off of my Note 4 and it gets hard to manuver certain lay outs and such from a phone. So any how, I recently just ordered some hair from Aliexpress. Needless to say I was super apprehensive so I did quite a bit of research from Google and YouTube and found a vendor, Grace Hair Company, that I felt was worth my coins. 

Aliexpress.com is super center in China that sells everything from shoes, clothing, appliances, beauty products and even human hair extensions online. Think Amazon but wholesale pricing. I ordered from Grace Hair Company due to the amount of positive reviews I came across. They are not to be confused with Grace Hair Products which is another hair vendor also found on Aliexpress that didn't have many positive responses (sad face). I ordered a 16 inch closure bundle deal which included one of each ;22 inch, 20 inch and a 18 inch bundle's of straight 7a Virgin Brazilian hair and you won't guess how much I spent. $$$$$105.00!!!!!!!! Yes $105.00 total including shipping.

The hair came via DHL in about 4 business days. It's a natural black color with bleached knots on the free part closure. First off, the hair had a very nice natural luster and an amazingly soft feel. Texture was true to brazillan hair which sort of mimics relaxed African American texture. The hair smelled of a freshly washed, shampooed scent. It was flowing and bouncy as well. The bundles weren't too thin or thick, however the beards were a little long which could result in matting in the future but if you don't place the wefts too close together that can be avoided. The 22 inch bundle did seem a little too short as far as the weft in itself but this was my first time ordering a 22 inch so I wasn't too sure of what I was getting. The hair actually seemed to be longer than stated.

I did do a strand test in which I burned a few strands to test if it was truly human and guess what, it was!! I also bleached the closure for the hairstyle I tried out and it took really well. I attached pictures of the completed styles I tried out and what the hair looked like in its natural state. I got the hair about 3 weeks ago and I have done a quick weave install which is the pic in the blue blazer and I did a wig on a dome cap which is the hair style with the blonde. I have washed the hair twice with trader joes nourish spa shampoo and conditioner and only received minimal shedding and about 2-3 times I felt a tangle.

I did cut my wefts so I'm sure that's where my shedding has come from. On a scale of 1-10 I would definitely rate this hair a 9 only because in the wash process I did notice a brownish tinge of something rinsing off the hair which could mean several things like a chemical process was done to the hair before I received it. But you know what,I love this hair. I mean for the price, you really can't ask for a better deal. I will be doing a new style in about a week or so, so I'll be back with a future review. If your interested in this hair please visit Aliexpress.com and search Grace Hair Company and visit their store. The seller, Amy Wu and her associates are very helpful and will answer any questions you may have about your hair or your order and very promptly also.

It's always a gamble when purchasing extention's and yes I have bought some bad hair before. I mean, bad hair. But I assure you beauties, this is a good buy.

Xoxo,

Chazzi